At 14 I was taken in to care and placed in a unit in the countryside. I was scared at first but I quickly built up my confidence to the point that aged only fifteen I managed to tell my therapist that my mother and uncle abused me when I was younger. This led to a police investigation and my uncle was sentenced to a custodial sentence. I was there until I was 18 and I enjoyed every minute of my time there.
At 19 I started my long slide into HMP. I spent eight years just going in and out of prison. I went to Back on Track, then moved on to volunteer at Fairshare as a forklift truck driver and driver’s mate, but after a couple of months I was back in and out of prison again until in April 2016.
I got a diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder, depression and anxiety. In December 2013 when I was released from a sentence I was suicidal. I planned to walk to Manchester Victoria train station and jump in front of the first train that came through, but on the way to the platform I saw a BTP sergeant and told him about my plan. He told me I had two choices, I could either go to hospital in the ambulance that he had requested, or I could refuse and he would arrest me under section 135 of the mental health act and he would take me to hospital in the back of his van. It is fair to say that he saved my life.
Whilst on my last prison sentence my fiancé of 1 year who was pregnant with my baby, dumped me. It gave me the hardest kick up the backside I have ever had and I decided there and then that I was never going back to prison.
My decision to reform is being strained however by the fact that the services that I rely on to help me through the tough times are being cut to the bone. Probation, mental health support, these are the things I need to help me achieve a stable and “NORMAL” life. It feels like me and my brothers on the breadline are paying for the mistakes made by bankers.
I feel ashamed to say that in this day and age we as a society cannot support the most vulnerable people in this world and help them to be part of the community once again.
Luckily 2 years ago I found the Mustard Tree. I was feeling down, worthless, no use to anyone. It felt like joining a family. I started working there on a temp basis and was amazed by the amount of friendship and camaraderie that I felt at being a part of that team. This was a new feeling for me as I had never felt part of a team or family before.
I hope that in the future there are more places like this to offer support and guidance to the hundreds of thousands of Adults and Children in Greater Manchester who are in poverty and need the support and guidance that I have been lucky enough to have received. I know with every fibre of my being that it can and will change lives. It’s changed mine
It is really hard for me to verbalize just how important this has been for me. I’m now feeling as though I can achieve anything I put my mind to.